WHEN THE UNEXPECTED HAPPENS!...

You know, life can be amazing, crazy, sad, happy, the list goes on and on. I best describe my life as a puzzle. For a long time the pieces would not fit together. To some people my life seemed great. To me my life was empty, I was empty always feeling alone and always very doubtful. Today I find Myself hopeful, happy and always wanting to know more about anything and everything. Throughout my recovery, not only am I meeting the most amazing people, but I am facing the personal issues I have that are so stupid and and little that have effected me up until today. For a long time now I struggle with the word love. What is Love? I know I Love my children, I would do anything for them. They are apart of me, and I find myself sitting there wondering how these beautiful intelligent kids came out of me. It's so amazing to see how much they grow, change, resemble others. There is nothing more rewarding then watching them especially when your a mother and held those babies in your stomach for 9 months. I wonder if that's how my mother felt or feels?... Coming to New York I was scared, nervous and really stressed out. I am now back in a place that I ran away from. The places look no different, the people are still the same or worse then the last time I saw them, and things are just thrown at u when u least expect it ready or not. Surprisingly when I came home everyone was there with open arms. Court went amazing and people are starting to believe in me once again. Hearing how proud they are of me for accomplishing all that I have done in the past couple of months, leaving me scratching my head wondering what it is that I did. I know I'm not the same person I was, and I'm not gonna lie its hard and not very easy to admit your wrongs and face them head on so that you an change them and make it right. But it's got to be done. I entered my program quiet and isolated. Scared to pretty much talk to everyone, even the wall. Slowly I began to put more and more effort into becoming open and willing. I didn't want to be that girl anymore. I no longer wanted to be obsessed with my self image, sitting there picking myself apart until I couldn't look in the mirror anymore. I was ready to give up a couple of times. But that's when I got blessed with all of the people whom I have met in the last 5 months and my family of course. In group, you constantly meet new people who sit there and listen to you moan and groan about what happen that day, who pissed you off , and what your gonna do about it. They understand your feeling and thoughts because they to are going through it in their own way. Some give advise but nobody ever passes judgement. My life changed so much, the day I walked into those doors. It makes my family that much bigger. Recovery opens so many doors. If you pick the right ones and do good things, good things happen!....