THE REALITY OF RECOVERY!...

You know lately I have had the opportunity to talk to and help out some close friends. Some addicts like myself, some the loved ones of the addict. Everyone always says the same thing "If only she/he would go into rehab". Yes of course it would be a great thing for anyone with an addiction to go into some kind of treatment. What most people don't understand, is that recovery is the hardest thing to go through.You see its easy to be an addict. We don't like something so we use, we feel sad we use, we need drugs we get them. The list goes on and on. When we are using we are numb we act like we care and most of the time we don't but not always intentionally. During recovery, we face things we haven't in years. We start to realize how many people we hurt and how many relationships we have ruined weather it be between a boyfriend or girlfriend or family. All of the damage that we thought went away when we used, all of a sudden is right there in our face waiting to be taken care of. Most of the time 10X's worse because it was pushed aside for so long. I don't think people really understand just how hard the recovery part can be. I feel bad for the people who say they can't stay with the addict because they are out of control, but say they would be by there side if they got help. The real test for the relationship will be during the recovery process. From the good days, to the bad days, to the happy one minute to the sad the next. We go from wanting to accomplish everything to not wanting anything, and this goes on and on for a long time sometimes years. I think that's why everyone says "You Have To Want It". If you don't really want it and you don't put your all into it nothing good will come out of it. Sure you can sit there and pretend, go with the whole "Fake It To Make It" approach and wind up right back out there. Pulling the same old tricks, manipulating anyone and everyone, and rationalizing everything. Then the next day your sick from withdrawals crying your eyes out to everyone who will listen to you, because you know you should have stayed clean and took your recovery more serious. I've been there, I've done that, and boy does it suck. If you thought the guilt and shame was bad then just wait! When I relapsed I didn't wanna look at anyone. There were so many times I wanted to cry, but found myself not able to. Feeling like I'm a zombie in a movie and ill wake up soon. I was always able to cry when it came to putting on the guilt trip so I could get money to get the drugs. But when it came to real life when I was suppose to cry "I Couldn't". I dunno about you but I don't want to go through that anymore. I don't want to be sick, I don't want to have regrets, and I want to be around to see my kids grow up. People have to realize that this is the hardest part of the whole addiction. A lot of people don't make it because of the fact that they couldn't deal with all that they have done. Support is definitly needed and definitly something that will help with the recovery process. But its not gonna be easy and in some cases might be harder to deal with then the drug addict. We can recover and become productive people, parents and get back the respect we so desperately want but recovery is a full time job. If you want to only be part time it wont work.