"ADDICTION,RECOVERY,REALITY": WHAT DO I WANT MY CHILDREN TO THINK OF ME!...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

WHAT DO I WANT MY CHILDREN TO THINK OF ME!...

This week, my mother called me and asked me "What or How do I want my children to think of me?" When she asked me I couldn't answer her. It was shocking to me how much I struggled with that one question. For a long time I felt like I ruined everything. I walked in and out of their lives so much the past two years, that I began thinking that maybe they didn't love me or care about me anymore. At times I felt like they would have a much better life if i was to just go away. But that's the effect the heroin had on me. In my mind everyone was out to get me, everyone was always looking at me which eventually made me isolate myself to everyone including my family, and I lived in the same house as them. It amazes me how much a drug can change a person. When it changes you, it changes everything about you. Us drug addicts are so blind to what its doing to us, that we start thinking everyone else is crazy. I thank God that I was able to stop using again, and that I'm still alive. I now see how important I am to my children, my family, and my friends. I get pictures of my children, and I am so proud! They are so beautiful and all they want is their Mommy. Always making me pictures, or leaving me messages singing the songs they learned in school that day, or just saying how much they love me and hear them kissing the phone. That's whats special to me. You see they didn't give up on me. They never have and they still need me and want me there. My children are my world, and to be honest if I didn't have them I don't know where I'd be today. Or if I would still be alive for that matter. So I guess to answer my mothers question, I want my children to think and no that they are my everything. That I am fighting this addiction to get better and get back to them, and have a wonderful life. I want them to think "Wow my Mommy really loves me! MORE THEN ANYTHING! " I want them to know that anything is possible and I wanna prove that to them. I want them to know and understand how sorry I am that I haven't been there but I will make it up to them. I want them to know that even though I have missed some days and nights with them that not a day goes by that I didn't or don't think about them. I want them to be proud of me and understand that mommy will do anything and everything for them!...

No comments:

Post a Comment

THE 12 STEPS...

STEP 1- We admitted we were powerless over our addiction,
and that our lives had become unmanageable.

STEP 2- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves
could restore us to sanity.

STEP 3- Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to
the care of God as we understood him.

STEP 4- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of
ourselves.

STEP 5- Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human
being the exact nature of our wrongs.

STEP 6- Were entirely ready to have God remove all these
defects of character.

STEP 7- Humbly asked god to remove our shortcomings.

STEP 8- Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

STEP 9- Made direct amends to such people wherever
possible, except when to do so would injure them or
others.

STEP 10- Continued to take personal inventory and when we
were wrong promptly admitted it.

STEP 11- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve
our conscious contact with God as we understood
God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us
and the power to carry that out.

STEP 12- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of
these steps, we tried to carry this message to other
addicts, and to practice these principles in all our
affairs.

ATTITUDE!...

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.

It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance, or skill.

It will make or break a company...a church...a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past...

We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have,

and this is our attitude...

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... We are in charge of our attitudes!"

ACCEPTANCE!

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.

When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation,

some fact of life which is unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept

that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is suppose to be at this

moment. Nothing absolutely "Nothing" happens in God's world by mistake.

Until I could accept my alcoholism (or drug addiction), I could not stay sober;

unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy.

I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world, as on what

needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.

RECOVERY QUOTES!...

"I was hopelessly dopeful...now I'm dopelessly hopeful."

"Suit up and Show up, Don't shoot up and throw up"

"It works if you work it, so work it cause you're worth it"

"Sometimes you need to lose yourself, before you can find anything....."

"What happened in the past is over, you can't unscramble scrambled eggs!"

"I may not be where I want to be but thank God I am not where I was!!!!!!"

"Sometimes the hardest decision in life is which bridge to cross and which one to burn"

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas Edison

It does not matter how deep you fall, what matters is how high you bounce back.
- unknown

Superman's not brave. You can't be brave if you're indestructible. It's every day people, like you and me, that are brave knowing we could easily be defeated but still continue forward.
- unknown

Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what you're going to do now - and do it.
- William Durant

You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you.
- Dan Millman

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon

Fall seven times, stand up eight.
- Japanese proverb

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
- Martin Luther King "

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
- Anatole France

Having a purpose in life is determined by what you make of life and what you make of yourself.
- Unknown

In life there will be times when you keep falling; don't spend your time trying to climb back up to the top. Chances are you won't get too far before you fall again. Make the best out of it and build a castle right were you are.
- Samantha Hollis

About Me

Sunday, April 11, 2010

WHAT DO I WANT MY CHILDREN TO THINK OF ME!...

No comments:

Post a Comment